An Englishman in New England

Ways the world's major conflicts could be resolved:

1) Multiplayer Halo. Only one who can wield that ultimate weapon of mass destruction, the Master Chief, is fit to rule.

2) Rock, Paper, Scissors (best of three for them whiny loser countries - pay attention, France)

3) Hide and Seek in the UN Headquarters. "Home base" is Kofi Annan's office.

4) Lock up the opposing countries' leaders in a room. Tell them they have exactly 24 hours to figure out a compromise or they will be stabbed, and repeat with the next most senior officials. Show them the knife.

5) Create a 'Foreign Leader Exchange Program' between countries. Just how long do you think Bush could tolerate living as an Iraqi? Do you think Osama would be able to hate the Miller Lite girls? Allow Fox to do a reality series on this, hosted by Paris Hilton.

6) Repel an alien invasion. They hate all of us equally, and we all taste the same to them.