An Englishman in New England

An Englishman in New England

Work like no-one's watching, dance like you don't need the money, and hurt like you've never been loved.

All About The Englishman


Be informed
Be entertained
Be perverted
Confess, sinner
Things fall apart. The center cannot hold.
Change your perceptions. They're lame.
I have a dream.
I am Jack's imaginary friend
Don't think. Just Grow.
For all your multimedia needs
Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
Filthy Lies
Hey! You make me throw up a little!
The Framley Examiner Personals
From the creator of 'Grow'
Fura Neko games!
This man is everything I hope to be, artistically
Tokyo Plastic 2.0h!

I love free speech. Talk to me.


December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
December 2004
March 2005


Belle De Jour
C h a p e l . P e r i l o u s
Another Girl, Another Planet
Robber Rabbit

currently. . .

[Playing] Oh, holy Halo 2, Xbox
[Reading] War of the Worlds
[Songs of the Moment] Freelove Freeway, Ricky Gervais/David Brent & Noel Gallagher (The Office), Let Me Love You, Mario
[Movie(s) of the Moment] Before Sunset

highlight reel

Pussy Perspectives
The Laid List
Liquored Up and Lookin' Fer Pussy
Orphan Rampage
The Office and David Carradine
Urkel's Calling
A Wee Turtle's Head
Non-Event Horizon
The Illusion of Time
Born To Run
Bush Humor
Fiendster: The Anti-Friendster
Crusoe and the INS
Peak Oil
Smile for me, Mona
Spin the bullet bachelor party
Spin the bullet part II
Heaven and Home
Heal the world

Atom Feed me, Seymour

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Friday, August 20

Kiss The Rings, Bitch!

Above is the new life motto, used frequently (and accidentally in a very public manner at work today, bringing the Englishman's HR points up by 1; only 5 more till 'involuntary retirement'!), an unabashed plagiarism of that comedic genius, Dave Chappelle. It takes a lot of skill to find a word that has lost its' offensive punch, and polish, revitalise and carve out a new place for it in civil society.

For making the word 'Bitch' funny again, I give you kudos, Mr. Chappelle, kudos.

I suggest you all try it. Simply disagree, play a game, or start an armed conflict with someone, win it, and end on the sourest of notes by slipping in "yeah, that's right. Kiss the rings, bitch!" as a parting shot. "How to Lose Friends and Alienate Yourself", indeed, but how sweet it feels!

Note to self: get more rings
Follow up note: Introduce idea of polygamy to the Woman as way of getting more rings. Proposed benefits include someone else to do dishes, someone to take her side in arguments (make sure Woman #2 is mute), and someone to lend 'feminine hygiene products' when the Woman is out. Yeeees, it's all going according to plan. . .

Coming soon, the Englishman strikes a blow for the common man against the most faceless of faceless corporate machines, Finagle-a-Bagel.

Keep the cheeks in the seats.