An Englishman in New England

An Englishman in New England

Work like no-one's watching, dance like you don't need the money, and hurt like you've never been loved.

All About The Englishman


Be informed
Be entertained
Be perverted
Confess, sinner
Things fall apart. The center cannot hold.
Change your perceptions. They're lame.
I have a dream.
I am Jack's imaginary friend
Don't think. Just Grow.
For all your multimedia needs
Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
Filthy Lies
Hey! You make me throw up a little!
The Framley Examiner Personals
From the creator of 'Grow'
Fura Neko games!
This man is everything I hope to be, artistically
Tokyo Plastic 2.0h!

I love free speech. Talk to me.


December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
December 2004
March 2005


Belle De Jour
C h a p e l . P e r i l o u s
Another Girl, Another Planet
Robber Rabbit

currently. . .

[Playing] Oh, holy Halo 2, Xbox
[Reading] War of the Worlds
[Songs of the Moment] Freelove Freeway, Ricky Gervais/David Brent & Noel Gallagher (The Office), Let Me Love You, Mario
[Movie(s) of the Moment] Before Sunset

highlight reel

Pussy Perspectives
The Laid List
Liquored Up and Lookin' Fer Pussy
Orphan Rampage
The Office and David Carradine
Urkel's Calling
A Wee Turtle's Head
Non-Event Horizon
The Illusion of Time
Born To Run
Bush Humor
Fiendster: The Anti-Friendster
Crusoe and the INS
Peak Oil
Smile for me, Mona
Spin the bullet bachelor party
Spin the bullet part II
Heaven and Home
Heal the world

Atom Feed me, Seymour

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Wednesday, January 14

I'm one of those people that you hate during Flu season, when you have stomach cramps, and when you lose an arm. For some reason that I don't even pretend to understand, I'm in incredibly good shape.

I eat bacon fat, I drink 2% milk, I practically bathe in fat (go on, picture it); I don't exercise, nor have I done in the last 7-9 months, and I couldn't even spell the word 'Salad' until about a week ago. I drink, I smoke cigars, I play videogames for hours on end, and chances are, you're sicker than me. I suck, I know.

This is the roundabout preface to my first physical exam today in about 6 years. Of course, the doctor had to be a hot young woman. The length of time since my last personal appearance in an episode of ER had been long enough that I'd almost completely forgotten what it was like to have someone look at me as a problem that they had to fix (well, at least since the last time I orgasmed too early).

I think every guy worries about The Pause. You know, the one that happens when the doctor asks you (rather directly, as it turned out), to unbuckle your pants, then drop your underwear, promising to "only take a couple of sex". . . sorry, secs. . . the quintessential Guy worry is that as soon as aforementioned hot doctor reaches for your bitchstick, that a huge (wishful) boner will rise proudly in her hands, as if to say "You called?"

Now I don't know about the rest of you, but having had to sit there for almost a half hour by myself on the little hopital bed, while I was sure I could hear the receptionists giggling about me outside, kinda dampened my enthusiasm. When the time came, I was really more humilated as I stood there, feeling every excruciating millisecond of The Pause, before I reached for my belt buckle and thought stoic thoughts. Thankfully, I don't think I stirred for an instant under her calm, methodical manipulations.

She was rather unimpressed, I'm sorry to add, although I don't think I'd have felt much more comfortable if she'd stood up and said "Nice cock, donkey-boy", and blown me a kiss.

Now I know for sure I could never be a porn star.