An Englishman in New England

An Englishman in New England

Work like no-one's watching, dance like you don't need the money, and hurt like you've never been loved.

All About The Englishman


Be informed
Be entertained
Be perverted
Confess, sinner
Things fall apart. The center cannot hold.
Change your perceptions. They're lame.
I have a dream.
I am Jack's imaginary friend
Don't think. Just Grow.
For all your multimedia needs
Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
Filthy Lies
Hey! You make me throw up a little!
The Framley Examiner Personals
From the creator of 'Grow'
Fura Neko games!
This man is everything I hope to be, artistically
Tokyo Plastic 2.0h!

I love free speech. Talk to me.


December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
December 2004
March 2005


Belle De Jour
C h a p e l . P e r i l o u s
Another Girl, Another Planet
Robber Rabbit

currently. . .

[Playing] Oh, holy Halo 2, Xbox
[Reading] War of the Worlds
[Songs of the Moment] Freelove Freeway, Ricky Gervais/David Brent & Noel Gallagher (The Office), Let Me Love You, Mario
[Movie(s) of the Moment] Before Sunset

highlight reel

Pussy Perspectives
The Laid List
Liquored Up and Lookin' Fer Pussy
Orphan Rampage
The Office and David Carradine
Urkel's Calling
A Wee Turtle's Head
Non-Event Horizon
The Illusion of Time
Born To Run
Bush Humor
Fiendster: The Anti-Friendster
Crusoe and the INS
Peak Oil
Smile for me, Mona
Spin the bullet bachelor party
Spin the bullet part II
Heaven and Home
Heal the world

Atom Feed me, Seymour

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Wednesday, March 3

Employee of the Weak

Coming out with breakfast in my hand, I confidently stiff-armed the door out of my way and stepped onto the street. But with a quick glance behind me, I saw that the door had swung back with a vengeance into an old lady with white hair who was having a bit of a struggle managing her coffee and multiple attacks from the rabid swinging door at the same time.

Needless to say I immediately backtracked to help her, apologizing profusely.

"I'm really sorry", I said, "I didn't mean to do that."
"That's quite alright", she replied brightly.
"No", I said, "I'm an ass for doing that - an ASS."
"No, you're alright, it's ok."

She turned around and walked away, leaving me with my internal struggle. "How can she not think I'm an ass?", I wondered; "I AM an ass for doing that." I resolved to prove it to her.

At that moment another old lady came up to the door, and was having even more trouble with it than her gnarled predecessor. I gazed on at her pitiful struggle, impassive, and immobile.

Mission accomplished.