I've been stabbed by a javelin that had just orbited the Earth.
I've been a backup singer/dancer in a 1950's commercial for that wonderful lovechild of kitchen utensils, the Spork.
I've eaten a chocolate baby.
Been an expert in sushi.
Recited the original version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears in which Goldilocks compares her spleen to a bagel with no cream cheese.
I've been Gollum.
I've been milked, blended, burned, shot, beaten, abused and evolved.
I once duelled to the death, armed only with a toilet brush.
I have a signature dance move that I (sometimes) do on request.
All of this, in its own way, is true. Because when life gets dull, I improvise.
