An Englishman in New England

An Englishman in New England

Work like no-one's watching, dance like you don't need the money, and hurt like you've never been loved.

All About The Englishman


Be informed
Be entertained
Be perverted
Confess, sinner
Things fall apart. The center cannot hold.
Change your perceptions. They're lame.
I have a dream.
I am Jack's imaginary friend
Don't think. Just Grow.
For all your multimedia needs
Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
Filthy Lies
Hey! You make me throw up a little!
The Framley Examiner Personals
From the creator of 'Grow'
Fura Neko games!
This man is everything I hope to be, artistically
Tokyo Plastic 2.0h!

I love free speech. Talk to me.


December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
December 2004
March 2005


Belle De Jour
C h a p e l . P e r i l o u s
Another Girl, Another Planet
Robber Rabbit

currently. . .

[Playing] Oh, holy Halo 2, Xbox
[Reading] War of the Worlds
[Songs of the Moment] Freelove Freeway, Ricky Gervais/David Brent & Noel Gallagher (The Office), Let Me Love You, Mario
[Movie(s) of the Moment] Before Sunset

highlight reel

Pussy Perspectives
The Laid List
Liquored Up and Lookin' Fer Pussy
Orphan Rampage
The Office and David Carradine
Urkel's Calling
A Wee Turtle's Head
Non-Event Horizon
The Illusion of Time
Born To Run
Bush Humor
Fiendster: The Anti-Friendster
Crusoe and the INS
Peak Oil
Smile for me, Mona
Spin the bullet bachelor party
Spin the bullet part II
Heaven and Home
Heal the world

Atom Feed me, Seymour

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Monday, March 8

"Sign here, here, here. . .here, and inside my ass cheek"

So what's this about an amnesty for illegal immigrants proposed by Bush? I think he should take a look at the process for (attempted) legal ones. Here is a short excerpt from the one I had to fill out recently:

Section 5h1ts 4nD G1ggl35:

*Name (Family Name) (Given Name) (Middle Initial)

*Address at which you live (Street and Number) (Town/City) (Zip Code) (Country)

*Address at which you receive mail (If same, write it out anyway)

*Other names you go by (e.g. Maiden names, aka's, alter ego's, sleeper cell codenames)

*State your income (In U.S. dollah dollah bills, yo)

*State your father's income (it won't be enough, you pauper)

*State your mother's income (less her pimp's 'dues')

*List every political group, faction, club, association, organization, meeting, word, picture, entity, government, and tv show you have ever attended, joined, been thrown out of for rowdy drunkenness and groping, eaten, seen, mentioned in passing to get the scary guy on the train to stop trying to give you a 'Jesus Saves' flyer, listened to, cannibalized and evolved. (for every one you miss, we will kill you)

*State an address. Again. (we're thinking of one in particular - guess it)

*We gave your dirty wanna-be an American ass an arbitrary number when we scanned your iris and fingerprinted you like a common thief at the border. We want it. Now. (You must write out the name of the number with a space between every letter, for example, we are not satisfied with simply 100,000,000,000 - we want "O n e H u n d r e d T h o u s a n d M i l l i o n". And if you write outside the box, you're history)

*List your birth date. (In binary)

*The fourth letter of the 92nd word in your application is: (If it happens to be a vowel, you should just quit. No, really)

*What was that thing we wanted. . .you know, th-the thing, y'know? (limited to 3 letters)

*Who's the sucker in the U.S. that is vouching for you? (so we can grill them too)

*Do you promise to have superhuman powers of computational, mathematical, scientifical and making-money-for-us-out-of-nothing understanding and agree to work for the peanuts we pay you because, let's face it, you're not really American? (just say yes)

*Sign here.

*And here.

*Upside Down.

*Three times real fast.

Congratulations! Here's your **GREEN CARD**