An Englishman in New England

An Englishman in New England

Work like no-one's watching, dance like you don't need the money, and hurt like you've never been loved.

All About The Englishman


Be informed
Be entertained
Be perverted
Confess, sinner
Things fall apart. The center cannot hold.
Change your perceptions. They're lame.
I have a dream.
I am Jack's imaginary friend
Don't think. Just Grow.
For all your multimedia needs
Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
Filthy Lies
Hey! You make me throw up a little!
The Framley Examiner Personals
From the creator of 'Grow'
Fura Neko games!
This man is everything I hope to be, artistically
Tokyo Plastic 2.0h!

I love free speech. Talk to me.


December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
December 2004
March 2005


Belle De Jour
C h a p e l . P e r i l o u s
Another Girl, Another Planet
Robber Rabbit

currently. . .

[Playing] Oh, holy Halo 2, Xbox
[Reading] War of the Worlds
[Songs of the Moment] Freelove Freeway, Ricky Gervais/David Brent & Noel Gallagher (The Office), Let Me Love You, Mario
[Movie(s) of the Moment] Before Sunset

highlight reel

Pussy Perspectives
The Laid List
Liquored Up and Lookin' Fer Pussy
Orphan Rampage
The Office and David Carradine
Urkel's Calling
A Wee Turtle's Head
Non-Event Horizon
The Illusion of Time
Born To Run
Bush Humor
Fiendster: The Anti-Friendster
Crusoe and the INS
Peak Oil
Smile for me, Mona
Spin the bullet bachelor party
Spin the bullet part II
Heaven and Home
Heal the world

Atom Feed me, Seymour

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Monday, March 15

Super Conversation With Your Neighbor Over Coffee 3

I have played vidogames since I was around 7 years old - I just couldn't get enough of them. It was the escapism, and the ability to do impossible things that held the appeal for me, and to some extent, still does. One minute I could be blasting my way through an armada of enemy spaceships, and the next (with a deft flick of the wrist, and slap on the cartridge), I would be leading the pack in the Monaco Grand Prix with Nigel Mansell and Mario Andretti shaking their fists in anger at this young upstart who came out of nowhere and showed them up as chumps with my superbly tight cornering.

Videogames were a habit that my parents went from encouraging, to occasionally enquiring about, to raising a disapproving eyebrow, before finally resorting to scorn and outright disapproval. "why don't you go outside and play?", my mother used to wheedle and cajole. My father insisted I read books to counteract what surely was the slow degradation of my mind into some kind of grey gruel-like gravy substance - "It's a lot better for your imagination than those damn Sega-mega-Nintendo-drive things", he would say, authoritatively.

This last comment was caught, and preserved carefully, like a dried butterfly husk, in the glass display case of my mind, and it proved its use a few weeks after the fact, when my parents decided to try playing the games with my brother and I, and y'know, bond.

After the initial fumbling with the controllers, instructions were given by my brother and I to the elders, repeated, simplified, repeated again, and dropped in favor of "press this button when I say - NOW!". My mother simply couldn't understand why the evil emperor needed to be vanquished with the righteous sword of whatever, and why our differences couldn't be discussed peacefully over a cup of tea. We ended her quest when she asked which button made her sword-swinging, muscle-bound alter-ego sit down and read a book.

My father only fared worse when, while attempting to navigate treacherous hairpin bends at hazardously high speeds, he apologised to one of the computer-controlled cars for cutting in front, and asked me where the turn signal was.

My brother and I sighed heavily, for we were learning an important truth that all kids of our generation hopefully learned at some point in their lives - Parents suck at videogames.