An Englishman in New England

An Englishman in New England

Work like no-one's watching, dance like you don't need the money, and hurt like you've never been loved.

All About The Englishman


Be informed
Be entertained
Be perverted
Confess, sinner
Things fall apart. The center cannot hold.
Change your perceptions. They're lame.
I have a dream.
I am Jack's imaginary friend
Don't think. Just Grow.
For all your multimedia needs
Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
Filthy Lies
Hey! You make me throw up a little!
The Framley Examiner Personals
From the creator of 'Grow'
Fura Neko games!
This man is everything I hope to be, artistically
Tokyo Plastic 2.0h!

I love free speech. Talk to me.


December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
December 2004
March 2005


Belle De Jour
C h a p e l . P e r i l o u s
Another Girl, Another Planet
Robber Rabbit

currently. . .

[Playing] Oh, holy Halo 2, Xbox
[Reading] War of the Worlds
[Songs of the Moment] Freelove Freeway, Ricky Gervais/David Brent & Noel Gallagher (The Office), Let Me Love You, Mario
[Movie(s) of the Moment] Before Sunset

highlight reel

Pussy Perspectives
The Laid List
Liquored Up and Lookin' Fer Pussy
Orphan Rampage
The Office and David Carradine
Urkel's Calling
A Wee Turtle's Head
Non-Event Horizon
The Illusion of Time
Born To Run
Bush Humor
Fiendster: The Anti-Friendster
Crusoe and the INS
Peak Oil
Smile for me, Mona
Spin the bullet bachelor party
Spin the bullet part II
Heaven and Home
Heal the world

Atom Feed me, Seymour

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Tuesday, June 29

As Promised: An Interview With My Cat

How rude of me not to introduce you all to my newest family member. I do apologise, and hope to make it up to you with an in-depth profile of someone I wait upon hand and foot, and whose shit and piss I clean up every day, yet am still fond of. Her. . .I'm fond of her, not her shit and piss.

AEINE: Penny, thanks so much for taking time out of your hefty schedule of licking your anus, and shedding fur directly onto my highly allergic, and usually morning-encrusted eyeballs while I sleep to answer my questions.

P: No problem, Biggest. Just know that I feel a hefty turd on the way, and unless you change that fucking litter before it comes, I'm putting it in your shoe. And not near the heel, either, I'm laying it directly in the toe; I so enjoy watching you dig around for it.

AEINE: Ah. . .duly noted. Now for my first question: How does *ahem* that taste?

P: Like ass, ass. Still it's better than that dried up pellet crap that you keep leaving for me to eat. Why not gimme some more of that chicken you snuck me under the table when the One With The Teats wasn't looking?

AEINE: I have no idea, um, what you're talking about. . .

P: Sure you don't. Coward.

AEINE: Next question - how do you spend your typical day? Both myself and my wife work all day, and we often wonder what you get up to while we're not there.

P: Well I usually start out with a good long scratch on those chairs that I get shrieked at for scratching on. With both of you away, I can usually get a hugely satisfying fabric ripping sound out of them without having to endure the shrieking and tantrum throwing.

AEINE: ah. . .ha ha ha, yes, my wife does have a high pitched voice, doesn't she?

P: I was talking about you, Biggest, you're usually the one shrieking like a One With Teats.

AEINE: *glances briefly at the camera*

P: So yeah, once I'm done with that, I usually find a flat place in the sun and have a nice nap.

AEINE: And what else do you do?

P: Well, then you come back, biggest.

AEINE: So that's it? You just sleep all day?

P: Well, you pretty much know the rest from there - you and Teats get back, stare at that big picture-thingy, then go to sleep. Sometimes you try to shut me out of the room, and I hear noises coming from there for about 20 minutes. What do you both do in there?

AEINE: I -ah, I'll be the one asking the questions, Penny. Ok, one final que-

P: *Gasp* You're both doing it, aren't you? How delightfully sinful - you animals. Does she like her hair pulled? I bet she does, she looks like the typ-

AEINE: Okay, interview over!

P: Have it your way, Biggest. Now, where are your shoes?