An Englishman in New England

An Englishman in New England

Work like no-one's watching, dance like you don't need the money, and hurt like you've never been loved.

All About The Englishman


Be informed
Be entertained
Be perverted
Confess, sinner
Things fall apart. The center cannot hold.
Change your perceptions. They're lame.
I have a dream.
I am Jack's imaginary friend
Don't think. Just Grow.
For all your multimedia needs
Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
Filthy Lies
Hey! You make me throw up a little!
The Framley Examiner Personals
From the creator of 'Grow'
Fura Neko games!
This man is everything I hope to be, artistically
Tokyo Plastic 2.0h!

I love free speech. Talk to me.


December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
December 2004
March 2005


Belle De Jour
C h a p e l . P e r i l o u s
Another Girl, Another Planet
Robber Rabbit

currently. . .

[Playing] Oh, holy Halo 2, Xbox
[Reading] War of the Worlds
[Songs of the Moment] Freelove Freeway, Ricky Gervais/David Brent & Noel Gallagher (The Office), Let Me Love You, Mario
[Movie(s) of the Moment] Before Sunset

highlight reel

Pussy Perspectives
The Laid List
Liquored Up and Lookin' Fer Pussy
Orphan Rampage
The Office and David Carradine
Urkel's Calling
A Wee Turtle's Head
Non-Event Horizon
The Illusion of Time
Born To Run
Bush Humor
Fiendster: The Anti-Friendster
Crusoe and the INS
Peak Oil
Smile for me, Mona
Spin the bullet bachelor party
Spin the bullet part II
Heaven and Home
Heal the world

Atom Feed me, Seymour

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Friday, July 16

Perks of the job

There are precisely 1,138 government-subsidized benefits extended to people who are married. Here are a few I think should be added to make it a nice, round 1,147, and to promote harmony and sanity in an endeavour which can, at times, be anything but: 

 ~ The option to engage in a pistol-duel at dawn to settle marital disputes - You know she's quick on the draw, and has a deadly aim. . .do you really want to argue over who does the dishes?

 ~ Free medical aid for couples who engage in a pistol-duel at dawn to settle marital disputes

 ~ Free strip-club visits for him when she's pissing him off. . .
 ~ Free strip-club visits for her when he's pissing her off. . .
 ~ . . .and a nice little government subsidy to take the financial edge off the 'Champagne Room' in both cases. . .
 ~ If marriage is so important to the government, they should pay for the catering. Cake-cutting fee, my married ass.
 ~ Men should be able to charge emergency "I'm sorry" bouquets to a federal account - because when we need them, we really need them.
 ~ A 6-man security detail to ensure my wife never ever finds herself alone in a room with Taye Diggs.
 ~ A 12-man security detail to ensure my wife never ever finds me alone in a room with Mary McCormack (better known by her stage-name "The Mom from Dickie Roberts"). This does not preclude me from finding myself alone with her*.

*What? I gave her the stripclub, and I'm the one writing the list - deal.