An Englishman in New England

You may have already met my gay neighbor, Eric. You may also be wondering why I would point out right off the bat that he is gay. Quell your worries, it doesn't bother me that he likes to be penetrated by another man, not at all. Ordinarily, I'd gladly help*.

I take issue with the fact that he likes to warble Billy Joel songs at the top of his adolescent frat-boy lungs, and then be loudly and vocally penetrated by another man for hours.

Starting at 3am.
Right underneath my bedroom.
On a weeknight when I crave sleep.

It's especially irritating that on several occasions the warbling and penetrating has been so obnoxiously loud that I've had to knock on his door (there's usually a 2 minute period of scuffling before he finally answers) and ask him to take it in his mouth instead of his ass, just so he would shut the fuck up. . . or maybe in this case have the fuck shut him up, whichever, I'm not picky.

I started out with the softly-softly approach the first time, which was answered with a vase of flowers at M and I's door a few days later, accompanied by a really nice apology note and barrelfuls of goodwill to new neighbors. Then it just kept happening more often, leaving us with the suspicion that he mightn't actually be sorry. The last time I spoke to him about it, at around 5am on Friday, I lost it - there was cussing, spitting, and blood squirting from my tear ducts. I could have vomited on his feet in rage before replacing his eyeballs with them, I was that volcanically angry.

So I have come to the point where I'm getting the landlord involved, hopefully, he'll have the authoritative clout to persuade Eric to go get penetrated elsewhere (geographically), or at the very least get penetrated at non-sleeping hours. Oh, and take a baseball bat to his audio equipment (and hopefully his head/torso/genitals). I have the feeling this will become an ongoing project.

I fucking hate him.

And if something doesn't happen soon, I will diarrhoea into a bottle, and lean it against the outside of his door.

* If by "help", you mean "Leave the room and do something that's not gay".