An Englishman in New England

An Englishman in New England

Work like no-one's watching, dance like you don't need the money, and hurt like you've never been loved.

All About The Englishman


Be informed
Be entertained
Be perverted
Confess, sinner
Things fall apart. The center cannot hold.
Change your perceptions. They're lame.
I have a dream.
I am Jack's imaginary friend
Don't think. Just Grow.
For all your multimedia needs
Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
Filthy Lies
Hey! You make me throw up a little!
The Framley Examiner Personals
From the creator of 'Grow'
Fura Neko games!
This man is everything I hope to be, artistically
Tokyo Plastic 2.0h!

I love free speech. Talk to me.


December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
December 2004
March 2005


Belle De Jour
C h a p e l . P e r i l o u s
Another Girl, Another Planet
Robber Rabbit

currently. . .

[Playing] Oh, holy Halo 2, Xbox
[Reading] War of the Worlds
[Songs of the Moment] Freelove Freeway, Ricky Gervais/David Brent & Noel Gallagher (The Office), Let Me Love You, Mario
[Movie(s) of the Moment] Before Sunset

highlight reel

Pussy Perspectives
The Laid List
Liquored Up and Lookin' Fer Pussy
Orphan Rampage
The Office and David Carradine
Urkel's Calling
A Wee Turtle's Head
Non-Event Horizon
The Illusion of Time
Born To Run
Bush Humor
Fiendster: The Anti-Friendster
Crusoe and the INS
Peak Oil
Smile for me, Mona
Spin the bullet bachelor party
Spin the bullet part II
Heaven and Home
Heal the world

Atom Feed me, Seymour

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Wednesday, March 31

Up-brown Girl

You may have already met my gay neighbor, Eric. You may also be wondering why I would point out right off the bat that he is gay. Quell your worries, it doesn't bother me that he likes to be penetrated by another man, not at all. Ordinarily, I'd gladly help*.

I take issue with the fact that he likes to warble Billy Joel songs at the top of his adolescent frat-boy lungs, and then be loudly and vocally penetrated by another man for hours.

Starting at 3am.
Right underneath my bedroom.
On a weeknight when I crave sleep.

It's especially irritating that on several occasions the warbling and penetrating has been so obnoxiously loud that I've had to knock on his door (there's usually a 2 minute period of scuffling before he finally answers) and ask him to take it in his mouth instead of his ass, just so he would shut the fuck up. . . or maybe in this case have the fuck shut him up, whichever, I'm not picky.

I started out with the softly-softly approach the first time, which was answered with a vase of flowers at M and I's door a few days later, accompanied by a really nice apology note and barrelfuls of goodwill to new neighbors. Then it just kept happening more often, leaving us with the suspicion that he mightn't actually be sorry. The last time I spoke to him about it, at around 5am on Friday, I lost it - there was cussing, spitting, and blood squirting from my tear ducts. I could have vomited on his feet in rage before replacing his eyeballs with them, I was that volcanically angry.

So I have come to the point where I'm getting the landlord involved, hopefully, he'll have the authoritative clout to persuade Eric to go get penetrated elsewhere (geographically), or at the very least get penetrated at non-sleeping hours. Oh, and take a baseball bat to his audio equipment (and hopefully his head/torso/genitals). I have the feeling this will become an ongoing project.

I fucking hate him.

And if something doesn't happen soon, I will diarrhoea into a bottle, and lean it against the outside of his door.

* If by "help", you mean "Leave the room and do something that's not gay".